


Moondust

by stormpilotgarik



Series: Stormpilot oneshots&drabbles [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, M/M, Soulmate AU, Stormpilot, Stormpilotweek, oblivious idiots, soulmate, stormpilotweek2017
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 19:00:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11408586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormpilotgarik/pseuds/stormpilotgarik
Summary: "If you start hearing thoughts that aren't yours, you need to report to your commander immediately."FN-2187 knew that by reporting to his commander, he'd lose those thoughts. And for the few months that he'd been able to hear them, he had learned that they would maybe be able to keep him sane.[Soulmate AU where you can hear your soulmates thoughts every now and then, but once you've seen them for the first time, it stops.]For Stormpilotweek 2017, Day 5: Soulmate AU





	Moondust

”If you start hearing thoughts that aren't yours, you need to report to your commander immediately.”

This is what FN-2187 was told when he was nine years old, training to be a soldier, fighting for The First Order. He knew that by reporting to his commander, he'd lose those thoughts. And for the few years that he'd been able to hear them, he had learned that they would maybe be able to keep him sane. They seemed to have this certain kind of warmth, but it was a warmth that FN-2187 didn't think was something that could be explained to someone who'd never felt it. It gave him this sense of safety even when his squad was about to get scolded and possibly punished about how they failed yet again one simulation (even though it was Slip and Nines who accidentally blew up the weapon storage they were supposed to be protecting).

And even though FN-2187 was told that those thoughts are a side-effect from some of the nutrition bars they're eating, he knew that the kind of thoughts that he was visited by couldn't be something that a few chemicals could randomly create. Chemicals don't create full replays of occurrences that sometimes seem almost a bit too realistic. No, that doesn't happen unless the chemicals are programmed to do that.

There was one thought that FN-2187 would never get tired of hearing again and again though.

_”Don't let them take you away from yourself. I still need you.”_

\--

The first time FN-2187 was ever in a battle, he realised that it was wrong, it was all so _wrong_. When he saw Slip fall down with a nasty black scorch mark on the front of his chest armour, his body froze. They hadn't even had time to engage in the battle, and Slip had already fallen. FN-2187 knew that The First Order did _not_ see individual troopers important enough to try and save the fallen. As Slip left a bloody mark on his visor, FN-2187 tried to collect his thoughts and then stood back up from where he had been crouching beside his squad mate. He was still dazed by what just happened. He'd seen members of his squad die in simulations, but those were never real. But what just happened shook him, and was very real. _Everything_ around him suddenly felt so real, and he frantically looked around to try and check if anyone noticed how he lost himself just how he was trained _not_ to do.

As he looked around, he saw a shuttle approaching. Once landed, no else than Kylo Ren himself stepped out. He strode towards the village which was now filled with smoke and fire. FN walked to where the rest of his squad had gathered and stood to wait for orders. As Kylo Ren talked to the old man, FN tried to once again, gather his thoughts. He couldn't wrap his head around the thought that Slip was gone, that he wouldn't come back once this mission ended like every time in the simulation.

FN shook the thoughts of Slip out of his head to concentrate on what was happening in front of him. He looked up just in time to see Kylo Ren swinging his lightsaber, and the old man falling to the ground. What happened next was, well, unexpected.

A Resistance fighter jumped out from behind cover to shoot towards Ren. That wasn't the weird part to FN though. The weird part was that when he saw the man, his head was struck with a sharp pain. He was trained to not show any signs of being in pain, so he stood in his place, clenching his jaw. But just as quickly as the headache had appeared, it left. He felt it fade away, but it felt as if with it something else left him too. He felt _empty_ , in a way he hadn't felt in a while. As the pilot was dragged to Ren's shuttle, Captain Phasma ordered the stormtroopers to kill the villagers. FN, still feeling a weird kind of empty and dazed from everything that just happened, stood in his place while everyone else was firing their guns away.

\--

As they finally got back onboard of the Finalizer, FN rushed to an empty transport ship. He took his helmet off to _really breathe_. He closed his eyes from everything around him to try and gather his thoughts for the tenth time after leaving Jakku.

”FN-2187, submit your blaster for inspection.” FN turned around to see no other than Captain Phasma. He breathed heavily and nodded while replying with a quick ”yes, Captain.”

”And who gave you the permission to remove your helmet?”

”I'm sorry, Captain.”

”Report to my division at once,” Phasma said before leaving FN alone in the transport, knowing that he was in big trouble. If he didn't find a way off the Finalizer (and he needed to find it _quick_ ), his time would be up and he'd be gone for good with only two stormtroopers to remember him. That's not a lot in the scale of the whole galaxy.

\--

FN tried to keep calm as he kept coming up with a continuing to his escape plan. He reached the cell where he knew the resistance pilot was kept and walked in.

”Ren wants the prisoner,” he said to the other stormtroopers guarding the pilot. The pilot would probably have looked more terrified if it wasn't for the hopeless expression on his face. FN tried to grab his arm as carefully as possible, while still keeping his grip tight enough so that the troopers guarding the pilot wouldn't think anything about it.

The pilot was worn out from the torture and had a hard time keeping up while FN was leading him trough the hallways. He was mostly leaning onto FN from the exhaustion that had taken over his body. They soon turned to a small, cramped passageway and FN started speaking quickly.

”Listen, if you do exactly as I say, I can get us out of here.” 

”What?” The pilot looked shocked, and FN took his helmet off. When he did that though, the pilot held his head in his hands, as if he’d be in pain.

”Hey, you alright?” FN asked, worried that Ren might’ve damaged the guy too much.

”Yeah, just a headache. Not surprised after everything that happened in that room though.” FN wanted to know what the pilot meant by that, but now wasn’t the time for questions.

”Well, this is a rescue. I’m helping you escape.” The pilot looked up at FN, a little shocked.

”You with the Resistance?” he asked, kind of unconvinced.

”What? No, no, no. I'm helping you escape, can you fly a TIE fighter?”

”I can fly anything!” the pilot announced a little protectively, suddenly full of confidence. ”Why are you helping me?”

FN was silent for a second before remembering what the thoughts he used to hear were all about. Doing the right thing.

”Because it was the right thing to do.” Honestly, FN hadn't thought about it like that. He just needed a pilot to get away from The First Order, but why not help someone innocent (as far as FN knows) out while at it? The pilot saw straight trough his act though.

”You need a pilot.”

”I need a pilot,” FN admitted with a sigh.

”We’re going to do this,” the pilot said with a smile. FN wasn’t as convinced but nodded with a small smile anyways.

–

Once the two were out of the passageway, the headed to the hangar bay, which of course was filled with people. 

”Okay, stay calm, stay calm,” FN whispered, more nervous than ever.

”I _am_ calm,” the pilot replied.

”I was talking to myself,” FN whispered back, pushing the pilot forward.

The two of them quickly got into a two-man TIE fighter.

”I always wanted to fly one of these things. Can you shoot?” the pilot asked while looking at FN over his shoulder. As FN didn’t say anything quick enough, the pilot started instructing him on how the cannons and lasers work. To FN, it all sounded very complicated, but he’d do anything to escape for now.

When they finally got out of the hangar after some struggles, the pilot instructed FN on how they’d be able to escape. The pilot got him positioned for a clean shot, and the cannon in front of them blew up.

”Did you see that? _Did you see that?”_ FN cheered as they flew trough the flames.

”I saw it! Hey, what’s your name?” 

”FN-2187!”

”FN- what?” the pilot asked sounding confused.

”That’s the only name they ever gave me.”

”Well, I ain’t using it. FN, huh? I’m going to call you Finn. Is that alright?”

FN- _Finn_ felt something he can’t remember feeling ever before. He felt like he _mattered to someone._ Even if it was just a Resistance pilot who probably didn’t care about him, the feeling was still there.

”Finn… Yeah. I like that!” he announced with a wide smile on his face.

”I’m Poe. Poe Dameron.”

”Good to meet you, Poe.”

”Good to meet you too Finn.” Finn couldn’t stop smiling at the feeling of a new beginning.

That smile wiped away soon though, as Poe explained that they’d have to go back to Jakku for a _droid_. Sure, it was important, but couldn’t Finn and Poe just fly away to the Outer Rim to spend the rest of their lives there?

Apparently, no. Those plans were gone when the TIE fighter was hit and started spinning towards Jakku.

–-

Finn woke up on a hot desert. When he stood up and looked around, he only saw an ocean of sand in every direction. Except there was something in the distance, black smoke. That could only mean one thing.

_Poe._

As Finn got closer to the shipwreck, he saw that it was in flames. He ran towards it, screaming for Poe. He fought his way trough the smoke just to find the cockpit empty, with only Poe’s jacket left on the seat. He barely had the time to grab it before the ship started sinking into the sand. Finn watched as his last hope of Poe being alive sank beneath the ground. As he started walking away from it, he heard an explosion and turned around to see that the TIE fighter had exploded under the sand. Finn was alone again. He'd been alone all of is life despite living with his squad. Just as he thought that he'd found someone to run away with, he was alone again.

Finn couldn't give up now though. He had to keep moving to find a way off Jakku.

\--

While Finn kept wandering on the sandy dunes, he realised that the thoughts in his head had quieted down. It scared him because since he'd heard them for the first time as a six years old kid they had not _once_ been gone for this long. And the emptiness that had filled his head, his mind, _his whole body_ hadn't left since Jakku.

When he finally found some kind of spaceport, it looked a lot more like a junkyard. There he met a scavenger called Rey, and with her, Poe's droid. The droid, BB-8, first thought that Finn had stolen Poe's jacket. After some explaining, including Poe's death, the three of them got seen by some stormtroopers. They ran for their lives while explosions were following them way too close to their liking.

They succeeded in stealing a spaceship but got quickly caught again. Not by The First Order though, but by the ship's former owner. That was no one else than _Han Solo_ , and meeting him didn't lead the two and the droid to anything else than more adventures. Like being chased by rathars and two gangs in a space ship, and meeting Maz Kanata. Everything that had happened after Finn landed on Jakku for the second time seemed to go by in a blur, he just couldn't help the _emptiness_.

After meeting Maz though, Finn felt like he'd been woken up from the weird state his mind had been in. He knew that he had his possibly _only_ chance to get away from The First Order. The disappointment on Rey's face broke his heart a little, but he _couldn't_ stay.

Turns out, he found a reason to stay and fight against The Order. When he saw Rey get taken away by Kylo Ren, he felt as if he'd break down to pieces. He forgot the thought of running away to the Outer Rim and flew to D'Qar with BB-8, Han and Chewbacca.

\--

As Finn, BB-8, Han and Chewbacca got closer to the Resistance base, Finn grew more nervous. He _knew_ that no one here knew how he'd actually saved Poe, even if he died. No one really knew how he'd come back for Rey, or how he'd decided not to kill for The First Order. No, all the people here would see was the stormtrooper that he used to be.

When the door opened, Finn hesitated for a moment before walking out. He was looking around himself, seeing x-wings landing. His heart broke a little at the thought of Poe who should have been there. As he was staring off into space, BB-8 almost knocked him down with the speed that he was rolling. Finn followed the droid with his gaze when he saw where it was headed. He saw Poe run to BB-8 and crouch down to his level and Finn was about to shout for Poe when he lifted his gaze to look at Finn.

The smile on Poe's face was indescribable. He rose up and started running towards Finn, who was now also running. When they met, Finn gripped Poe with desperation, not wanting to let him go again. He buried his face in Poe's neck, squeezing his eyes closed to try and keep the small tears that just had formed, away. Poe held onto him just as tight, relieved to know that was alive.

”You're here, you're alive. How?” Poe asked in a whisper. Finn pulled away a little just to be able to quickly explain what happened. His eyes were still glossy, and Poe noticed it.

”Hey, buddy. You're alright now, you're here. We both are.” Finn smiled at that and hugged Poe again. When they pulled away completely though, Poe was looking at the jacket that Finn was wearing.

”That... That's my jacket.” Finn started shaking the jacket off with a slight blush, luckily not visible trough his dark skin.

”No, no! Keep it. It suits you,” Poe said with a fondness in his eyes. ”You're a good man Finn.”

”I-I need your help.”

\--

Poe took him down to the underground control centre. There the situation was explained to Leia Organa, who Finn would've thought would be intimidating, but was actually acting more like a mother. Then Finn was in for questioning about anything he knew about The First Order. After that, he was informed that a mission to save Rey from Starkiller base would happen the next day.

He didn't get assigned a bunk for the night, but he was too intimidated by, well, _everyone_ to ask someone about it. So, he ended up in Poe's room. That of course, wasn't bad at all. He felt comfortable in Poe's company and it wasn't like he'd rather spend his time with someone else on the base. 

Poe's bed was _huge_. At least compared to what Finn was used to. When Finn first saw it, he could imagine at least three troopers fitting there, where one person was supposed to sleep alone. They sat on his bed and talked. Poe seemed to always hesitate before asking Finn about anything related to being a stormtrooper, but Finn was mostly fine with the questions. When Poe asked about his mission on Jakku though, his first mission, Finn felt himself break down. His eyes started watering before he even started talking, but he still didn't stop. It actually felt kind of good to talk about things, even if it hurt. Poe had his arm around Finn's shoulders to try and comfort him, while Finn leant into him.

”I want to save Rey so badly. I mean, I just want to bring her home. She's like my best friend, kind of? I don't know. You and her, you two were the first people to ever treat me like a person, not as a stormtrooper who could be replaced easily.” Finn was silent for a moment before continuing.

”So what I'm trying to say, is that no matter how much I want her to be safe and here with us, I can't shake off the fear that I've had in the back of my mind since I defected. I... I'm scared that they'll catch me, that I'll have to go back, that I'll be just a number again. I'd rather _die_ than go back. I... I'm scared I'll lose myself in reconditioning.” When Finn was done, there was a heavy silence in the room as Poe tried to process the words and wrap his head around the possibility of Finn being taken away.

”It won't happen. I won't let it happen. And even if it did happen, I owe you. I'd have to come back and rescue you, right?” Poe said with a smile and a small nudge to Finn's shoulder. Finn looked back at him with a small smile and let himself trust Poe on that.

”I... I don't know if this sounds crazy, but when we were kids we were told that if we ever heard voices or thoughts in our heads that weren't our own, we would have to report to our commanders to have it removed in some way. We were told that they were like a side-effect from the food we were given, but I didn't believe them. I mean, the kind of thoughts that I usually received couldn't have been created by some chemicals. I don't know, those things used to give me a feeling of safety, it was warm in a weird way.”

”Finn... That's not crazy. It's normal. You see, everyone has a person who is meant for them, a soulmate. And well, the whole thing works like this; you basically hear your soulmates thoughts every once in a while, well, only if you intend them to hear them. Or sometimes the other can hear the thoughts even if it wasn't meant to be heard. Anyways, the thing is, when you see your soulmate for the first time, you stop hearing their thoughts. It's weird, but really interesting at the same time,” Poe explained. Finn was fascinated by it all and looked at Poe in awe.

”I don't know if this is too personal... But what kind of thoughts do you usually hear?” Finn asked, too curious to keep his mouth shut.

”No, it's alright. I, I don't hear anything anymore. Or I mean, it wasn't like I heard anything too often before either, but now I haven't heard anything in, well, since Jakku? I have this weird empty feeling inside me. I don't know what it means though. Maybe my soulmate is dead, or I met them on the Finalizer or Jakku. But um, when I used to hear something, it was mostly someone being scared of losing themselves or doing the wrong thing and being punished. If I had to guess, I'd think it was a stormtrooper, from the sound of everything I heard. Maybe someone like you, as they never wanted to hurt innocents or civilians,” Poe told him, and Finn thought of how much it sounded like what he'd been thinking of over his years at The Order. But it could be any other trooper too, as there were millions of them. ”How about you?”

”Me? Well, I've had them since I was about six years old. I think. First, there were just these memory-like things. And stuff like that, nothing too personal. But as the training got harder and reconditioning wasn't unusual anymore, I think my, well, soulmate could kind of feel it? Or maybe I accidentally sent them thoughts of it, I wouldn't know. But yeah, around that time I used to start hearing reassuring thoughts. I can't remember any exact words. Well, except for one I used to hear often. It went like this; 'Don't let them take you away from yourself. I still need you.' I wish I'd met my soulmate one day, but the empty feeling you described? Yeah, I've got it too. So, I either missed them on Jakku or they're dead.”

As Finn stopped talking, he looked at Poe. He was staring Finn with tears almost escaping his eyes and a shocked look on his face.

”Finn, I- you- _kriff_ , Finn. That's what I used to tell my soulmate,” he said and hugged Finn tightly. He let out a happy sob and squeezed Finn tighter. Finn, he didn't know what to say, how to react. His soulmate, he was right here, holding him. He hugged him back, not letting their kind of awkward position distract them.

Poe pulled away to wipe his tears away, and he couldn't keep the smile off his face.

”Finn, I... Kriff, I'm so damn happy I found you. It hurt so much to hear those thoughts of what you were going trough all those years, even if I didn't know you, I- I just can't believe it's _you_ , how I got this lucky.” Those words were what caused Finn to grab Poe's face and bring it close to his. He stopped for a second to just embrace the feeling of Poe's forehead against his own, Poe's nose bumping against his own, how good Poe smelled and just the warmth that had filled the room.

Finn closed his eyes and moved just a little bit closer to let his and Poe's lips brush in the slightest. He could hear and _feel_ Poe's breathing getting just a little bit faster. He took that as a sign that it was okay, and let his lips push against Poe's. It was light, a little awkward and _still so good_. Poe pulled away after a few seconds, holding Finn close. He smiled and kissed Finn again. Finn felt the smile against his lips, the smile that _he_ had caused. They soon pulled away again, still staying close to each other though.

”I can't believe this is happening. I... This better not be a dream that I'll wake up from.”

”Finn, I swear, this is definitely _not_ a dream. It sure feels like one though, because Finn, buddy, _you're just about everything._ ”

As Finn heard those words, he felt all of the emptiness inside him fade away. He pulled Poe's lips to his own again, turning his head a little to get a better angle. His nose was buried into Poe's cheek, his hands in Poe's hair and around his neck, he was basically sitting in Poe's lap now and everything was just _right._

**Author's Note:**

> So this is for day five of stormpilotweek. And late, which shouldn't be a surprise. I also admit I was a bit lazy in writing some parts but tbh they weren't important for the story and most people (everyone who has ever watched The Force Awakens) know what happened in the parts I left short and undetailed. Idk, there might be a part two for this (but I wouldn't bet on it). But to my defence, it's almost 2 am again and I should be in bed cause I've got work in the morning and I'm already in a state of exhaustion so please excuse me this is very poorly written!!


End file.
